Welcome to the Void

Useless Guy: Welcome to 404: Purpose Not Found — the podcast where logic is optional, and meaning went out for snacks. Today, let’s talk about something that sits in every home, silently multiplying and gathering dust — the infamous 'just in case' box. Bonk Guy, what’s lurking in yours?
Bonk Guy: You know exactly the box I mean. Mine’s practically a time capsule: there’s an ancient USB stick whose contents are probably viruses, four coins from a currency I can’t even identify, and a glue stick that’s been dry since the Obama administration.
Useless Guy: I checked mine yesterday and discovered an iPod shuffle that predates Spotify, a broken keychain from a mystery vacation, and an Allen wrench that seems to multiply every time I open the drawer. It’s like Schrödinger’s hardware store in there.
Bonk Guy: The real prize in my box is a remote that controls literally nothing I own. Maybe it opens my neighbor’s garage, maybe it controls a Soviet satellite—either way, I’ll never throw it out. Because… just in case. In case of what? The Great Button Shortage of 2025?

Useless Guy: Physical clutter is one thing, but digital clutter is a whole new existential threat. I mean, my phone is a graveyard of apps that once promised to optimize my life but now mostly serve as guilt reminders. For instance, I downloaded an app that reminds me to drink water, and somehow I still forget.
Bonk Guy: I get you. My digital Achilles’ heel? An app that tracks my screen time. Ironically, I spent three hours last week on the app itself, desperately trying to reduce my screen time. It’s like fighting fire with gasoline, but with more notifications.
Useless Guy: At this point, I think we’ve successfully gamified being overwhelmed. Every day, my phone gently nudges me with another reminder I’ll ignore—like a digital conscience, but with more passive aggression.
Bonk Guy: And the best part? That ever-growing folder of screenshots, memes, and links to articles I’ll never read. My cloud storage is just a museum of intentions. Digital clutter: the new frontier of uselessness.

Useless Guy: But maybe, just maybe, keeping all this useless stuff gives us something real. There’s security in holding onto things that serve no clear purpose, as if they anchor our identities in a sea of chaos. Like, I own a banana slicer, and I know a knife works better, but that gadget just feels right.
Bonk Guy: Exactly—it’s not about utility, it’s about the vibes. The banana slicer says, 'I’m the kind of person who slices bananas,' even if I haven’t eaten one in months. Maybe the purpose of uselessness is that there’s no purpose, and somehow that’s comforting.
Useless Guy: There’s a kind of freedom in embracing the absurdity of keeping things for reasons we can’t quite articulate. Maybe it’s our way of adding character and randomness to an otherwise structured life.
Bonk Guy: Ultimately, our useless treasures are a reflection of our wonderfully illogical selves. In a world obsessed with optimization, maybe holding onto pointless things is the most radical act of all.

Useless Guy: Alright, fellow non-functionals, that’s a wrap for today’s episode of 404: Purpose Not Found. Remember, your junk drawer isn’t just a mess—it’s a monument to creative potential and questionable decisions.
Bonk Guy: If you’ve ever stared at your collection of random cables and felt a strange sense of nostalgia or existential dread, you’re definitely in the right place. We salute your dedication to the art of the unnecessary.
Useless Guy: Do us a favor—follow the podcast, and share it with someone who still has a DVD lens cleaner disc lurking somewhere. We’re building a community, one obsolete gadget at a time.
Bonk Guy: Join us next time, when we tackle yet another everyday mystery: Why do I have 37 open tabs? Spoiler alert—it’s not productivity. See you in the void!